Messed Up

How did things became this messed up...?
There should be a limit to how much misunderstandings and misinterpertations a person has to go through...
All my life has gone into a complete caos way beyond the point of no return...
Some... Just make sentences without thinking about the consequences or even think how that would sound to someone out of context...
Others out of context... just see or hear something and make their own interpertations starting at the moment pointing the finger...
And me... who just wants to be at peace... find myself losing everything... without even do anything...
It's like i am a magnet to this kind of things... how many times did i go through this road...?
Misinterpretations, misunderstandings, distorced facts and so on and on...
Sadly... It is me who always ends up taking the fall and losing everything...
Not the ones responsible for the situation... but me...

I've came to a point where my life is so messed up... that i no longer try to explain...
I no longer have the need to... since i've already lost all that matters... and for that...
I didn't even had the chance to explain... even though i could prove that i was speaking the truth...

But this is my messed up life... where i end up grieving for the lost of something that pherhaps was never mine to start up with...
Still... it was all that made sense... it was all that i longed for... and even if it was never mine...
It felt that way... and it was the best time ever...
It was the time where i really felt alive...

Now how many days have gone?
I can't even tell as time keeps on passing by without me even noticing...
It feels like it has been just a en endless day... It feels like it has been more than a century...
It feels like you were just here with me a moment ago... It feels like you've gonne away for a thousand years now...

How many months have been?
How long have i been drifting in my memories of you...
When did my heart fully stoped...?
When did i give up...?
Somewhere around this depressive cronology i've died without even noticed...

I've cut ties with everyone...
No longer have this closer friends who i can rely on...
No longer have this sense of family to suport...
My body can't even rest well anymore...
It doesnt matter for how long i lay on my bed... or how many hours i sleep...
I allways wake up lifeless... tired... beated up...

When did it happen...?
When did my life became this messed up...
I guess... in the end i was right...
You really were the pillar that suported my whole self... my whole life...
And as everyday passes by without me even knowing how you're doing...
I came to realize that the pillar is not here anymore... therefor my whole self... my whole life is crumbling a little more everyday...
And now as i look at myself i see my dreams, beliefs, hopes, soul and heart scattered all over the place like rotten bricks from a demolished site...

And if i try to even pick up one of those bricks... i lack the strenght to do so...
Because when you left... you really took the best part of me...
You really took it all from me...

And from the hopeful believer and dreamer i was...
All that remains is this... something i can't even describe...
An empty shell... a mind and heart... completly messed up...

Não sei que mais fazer...

Já não sei que mais fazer...
Não é a primeira vez que perco tudo...
Nem que por isso mesmo tenho que batalhar a cada dia para continuar...
Mas desta vez é diferente...

Foram varias as vezes que fugiste ou desapareceste...
Quer por culpa minha quer por tua culpa...
E pela tua incessante necessidade de experimentar algo novo com outro alguém...
Sempre fui ficando para trás como uma segunda escolha...
Mesmo quando afirmavas ser a tua única escolha...

Mas de todas as vezes que partiste... Se procurasse ou as vezes mesmo sem ter de o fazer...
Encontrava sinais de que realmente não era mentira...
Muitas foram as vezes que escondidas nos teus textos e palavras
Encontrava o teu amor de alguma forma camuflado...
Invisível a vista dos outros... mas claro como agua param mim...

Mas agora tudo é diferente...
Essas pequenas mensagens escondidas do mundo...
Eram o que me dava a esperança e força para continuar...
Mas agora...

Por muito que procure...
Por muito que tente... parece até que perdeste essa parte de ti...
A parte que deixava através de palavras transparecer aquilo que realmente és ou costumavas ser...
Já não existem esses textos... nem palavras tuas que possa ler... muito menos essas mensagens escondidas no seu conteudo...
Nem sei mais se as minhas palavras chegam até ti...
Já não sei o que mais fazer...

Who are you in the mirror?

Who are you in the mirror...
The one with the face similar to my own...?

It looks like me... but the eyes are so diferente from what they used to be...

I look at you in the mirror... and all i see is emptiness...
Can't feel a thing as if you're a dead looking being...

Who are you in the mirror...
The one with the face similar to my own...?

It looks like me... but this feeling its not what it used to be...

I look at you in the mirror... and all i see is sorrow
Can't even go ahead and cry as if you're one about to die...

Who are you in the mirror...
The one with the face similar to my own?

It looks like me... but your smile its not what it used to be...

I look at you in the mirror... and all i see its pain
Can't even see hope... as if you fought trough your life just to die in vain...

Go away...

Why... time passes by and still it won't go away...
Everyday... it feels like I won't be able to endure it any better than the day before...
This pain...
This enclosing pressure in my heart at the very moment i think of you...
I think of us...
This pain... it won't go away...
I'm sick of it... sick of crying... sick of crying out loud for you...
But you... as you are now... will never listen and much less would you be able to feel it...

Why???
Go away... leave my heart... i want to remember us and feel happy...
Not sad... not this piercing sorrow within my chest...

You ask me not to cry when you're not with me...
But how can i not...

And you're not here... not here to wipe my tears...
Not here to listen to my heart and my soul...
It's killing... It's killing me...

Why??? Pain... Why???
Go away... Leave me with those sweet memories of her...
And release me from this distressed chain...

This hole... i can't fill it with nothing... its like all i see is black...
Even the rainbow has lost his colours to my eyes...
Why pain? Either kill me or go away...