Sometimes i wonder...

Do you blame me when you're in his bed lending him my wife's body and heart?

Fairy tales and happy people...

I've finally figured it out...
Why i allways end up alone and driven by sorrow...

When i think about it... i've always been a fan of fairy tales...
And i wanted to live my own fairy tale...
And that is exactly whats going on...
Thats why i end up depressed and crying...
And that is also why i always end up atracting people to my life...
The thing you've always hated about me...
Its not like i do it because i want to...
Its because happy people are boring...

Let's take the movies and fairy tales as an example...
All the story moves around the drama and sadness, the fights...
And most of the times it ends with the "happly ever after"...
Why is that... Because there is nothing else to tell after that...
When people are happy they become boring and if we really think about it...
We are often atracted by troubled people and we try to confort them more that we are atracted by those sweet happy couples...
If we have this love triangle... we will always feel pity for the one who is left suffering...

So since i've always wanted my life to become a fairy tale...
I guess... that i will never have my happly ever after...
And i understand now why it ended up like this...
When i was with you... i've became happy thus becoming boring too in the process,,,
And that is why you've left... because...
The same way i got atracted to you... the way you are... and atracted by your pain and sorrow...
You got atracted to me in the same way... we were suffering and unhapy therefor interesting...
Once i've become happy by your side... you've lost all your interest...
And now that i'm sufering again... you remembered why is it that you loved me...
But thinking like this scares me the most...
Because i've never though of you as being boring... did i really never made you happy after all?

Late Night!

This was a night like many others that have passed...
There i was... laying in the couch since i can no longer sleep in my bed...
Trying to close my eyes... trying to somehow get some rest...
When all of the sudden my phone ringed...

I asked to my self... who may it be... this late at night?
I picked it up... one message... when i open the message...
The very sight of your name made me jump...
As we talked through a few minutes... i felt like somehow... life was again rushing trough me...
And in the middle of so many words... "it not like i dont love you anymore" you said...

My mind is playing tricks on me... i could swear i heard your sweet voice...
I could swear i heard you whispering those words in my ear...
It made me shiver...
Then... somehow... the phone stoped ringing...
I couldn't sleep anymore...
I want it to ring again... i want to keep on talking to you...
I want to go on all my life...

My mind is playing tricks on me... i could swear that for a moment there...
I could see your beautiful face... i could feel your skin against my skin...

Its late... maybe i'm tired... or maybe i'm just going crazy...
But its ok... as long as i can still feel you lingering around me...
I don't care if i'm crazy or not...

And now... the phone rings no more... its sad... but...
This sadness... i dont want it to disapear... since... its the only proof i have...
That you're still here...

Thank you... This Late Night... i could smile again...
I could cry again... and even if it was just for a little...
I could swear... i felt my heart beating once more...

Messed Up

How did things became this messed up...?
There should be a limit to how much misunderstandings and misinterpertations a person has to go through...
All my life has gone into a complete caos way beyond the point of no return...
Some... Just make sentences without thinking about the consequences or even think how that would sound to someone out of context...
Others out of context... just see or hear something and make their own interpertations starting at the moment pointing the finger...
And me... who just wants to be at peace... find myself losing everything... without even do anything...
It's like i am a magnet to this kind of things... how many times did i go through this road...?
Misinterpretations, misunderstandings, distorced facts and so on and on...
Sadly... It is me who always ends up taking the fall and losing everything...
Not the ones responsible for the situation... but me...

I've came to a point where my life is so messed up... that i no longer try to explain...
I no longer have the need to... since i've already lost all that matters... and for that...
I didn't even had the chance to explain... even though i could prove that i was speaking the truth...

But this is my messed up life... where i end up grieving for the lost of something that pherhaps was never mine to start up with...
Still... it was all that made sense... it was all that i longed for... and even if it was never mine...
It felt that way... and it was the best time ever...
It was the time where i really felt alive...

Now how many days have gone?
I can't even tell as time keeps on passing by without me even noticing...
It feels like it has been just a en endless day... It feels like it has been more than a century...
It feels like you were just here with me a moment ago... It feels like you've gonne away for a thousand years now...

How many months have been?
How long have i been drifting in my memories of you...
When did my heart fully stoped...?
When did i give up...?
Somewhere around this depressive cronology i've died without even noticed...

I've cut ties with everyone...
No longer have this closer friends who i can rely on...
No longer have this sense of family to suport...
My body can't even rest well anymore...
It doesnt matter for how long i lay on my bed... or how many hours i sleep...
I allways wake up lifeless... tired... beated up...

When did it happen...?
When did my life became this messed up...
I guess... in the end i was right...
You really were the pillar that suported my whole self... my whole life...
And as everyday passes by without me even knowing how you're doing...
I came to realize that the pillar is not here anymore... therefor my whole self... my whole life is crumbling a little more everyday...
And now as i look at myself i see my dreams, beliefs, hopes, soul and heart scattered all over the place like rotten bricks from a demolished site...

And if i try to even pick up one of those bricks... i lack the strenght to do so...
Because when you left... you really took the best part of me...
You really took it all from me...

And from the hopeful believer and dreamer i was...
All that remains is this... something i can't even describe...
An empty shell... a mind and heart... completly messed up...

Não sei que mais fazer...

Já não sei que mais fazer...
Não é a primeira vez que perco tudo...
Nem que por isso mesmo tenho que batalhar a cada dia para continuar...
Mas desta vez é diferente...

Foram varias as vezes que fugiste ou desapareceste...
Quer por culpa minha quer por tua culpa...
E pela tua incessante necessidade de experimentar algo novo com outro alguém...
Sempre fui ficando para trás como uma segunda escolha...
Mesmo quando afirmavas ser a tua única escolha...

Mas de todas as vezes que partiste... Se procurasse ou as vezes mesmo sem ter de o fazer...
Encontrava sinais de que realmente não era mentira...
Muitas foram as vezes que escondidas nos teus textos e palavras
Encontrava o teu amor de alguma forma camuflado...
Invisível a vista dos outros... mas claro como agua param mim...

Mas agora tudo é diferente...
Essas pequenas mensagens escondidas do mundo...
Eram o que me dava a esperança e força para continuar...
Mas agora...

Por muito que procure...
Por muito que tente... parece até que perdeste essa parte de ti...
A parte que deixava através de palavras transparecer aquilo que realmente és ou costumavas ser...
Já não existem esses textos... nem palavras tuas que possa ler... muito menos essas mensagens escondidas no seu conteudo...
Nem sei mais se as minhas palavras chegam até ti...
Já não sei o que mais fazer...

Who are you in the mirror?

Who are you in the mirror...
The one with the face similar to my own...?

It looks like me... but the eyes are so diferente from what they used to be...

I look at you in the mirror... and all i see is emptiness...
Can't feel a thing as if you're a dead looking being...

Who are you in the mirror...
The one with the face similar to my own...?

It looks like me... but this feeling its not what it used to be...

I look at you in the mirror... and all i see is sorrow
Can't even go ahead and cry as if you're one about to die...

Who are you in the mirror...
The one with the face similar to my own?

It looks like me... but your smile its not what it used to be...

I look at you in the mirror... and all i see its pain
Can't even see hope... as if you fought trough your life just to die in vain...

Go away...

Why... time passes by and still it won't go away...
Everyday... it feels like I won't be able to endure it any better than the day before...
This pain...
This enclosing pressure in my heart at the very moment i think of you...
I think of us...
This pain... it won't go away...
I'm sick of it... sick of crying... sick of crying out loud for you...
But you... as you are now... will never listen and much less would you be able to feel it...

Why???
Go away... leave my heart... i want to remember us and feel happy...
Not sad... not this piercing sorrow within my chest...

You ask me not to cry when you're not with me...
But how can i not...

And you're not here... not here to wipe my tears...
Not here to listen to my heart and my soul...
It's killing... It's killing me...

Why??? Pain... Why???
Go away... Leave me with those sweet memories of her...
And release me from this distressed chain...

This hole... i can't fill it with nothing... its like all i see is black...
Even the rainbow has lost his colours to my eyes...
Why pain? Either kill me or go away...

Linha divisória...

Todos encontramos alguem eventualmente
E essa pessoa um dia nos faz parecer
Que a nossa vida se divide aparentemente
Nos dias antes e nos depois de a conhecer

E o tempo ao lado de esse alguem passado
É a memoria que guardo que me é mais querida
Penso então agora sozinho aqui sentado
Como foram os dias mais felizes da minha vida

Todos nós encontramos alguem assim
Mas todos temos um destino que nos é igual
É que tudo eventualmente tem um fim
E deixa em nos uma marca dolorosa e colossal

Muitos são os que seguem então seus caminhos
Aceitando segundas escolhas como conformação
Outros ficam para sempre perdidos sozinhos
Vagueando na tristeza e angustia do seu coraçao

Tambem eu no passado conheci esse alguém
Que colocou na minha vida essa linha divisória
E depois do tempo feliz essa pessoa também
Me abandonou perdido a tristeza sem glória.

Já não sei...

Hoje o tempo passa e fico pensando
Em todas as lágrimas que já chorei
Por todo o tempo que fui rastejando
Por culpa de tudo o que eu passei

Imagino como poderia ter sido diferente
Mas não sei mais dizer o que é real
Não consigo distinguir a ilusão da minha mente
Nem tão pouco o valioso do banal...

E esta noite uma vez mais vou perguntando
Se foram reais as lágrimas que te limpei...
Se as tuas palavras serviam de mascara, de manto
Onde te escondias pois no fundo... já não sei...

Do outro lado...

No meu "Imaginarium" vivo feliz num mundo paralelo...
Mas na realidade onde tudo o que parece puro e real
Acaba por se transformar em dor, magoa e desilusao no final
Como o mais impiedosamente duro e destructivo pesadelo...

Falam me de sonhos e vontades a alcançar
E eu penso o que tenho eu agora...
O que terá sobrado de outrora..
Que valha realmentente a pena lutar...

O meu "Imaginarium" vive na minha mente, no meu coração
E apenas nesses sonhos consigo ser feliz e completo
Que me permite soltar um sorriso apesar de discreto
Antes de acordar e voltar a este mundo de podridão...

Confiança e tudo o resto já não existem para mim
Nem tento sequer aproximar-me de quem quer que seja
E digo isto para que qualquer um com olhos veja
Que do outro lado do meu Imaginarium... o mundo é assim...

The Rotten Blindness...

This world planted so much dirt in you...
Corrupted your heart...
So even the most shinning angel can fall on to darkness...
And even the most beautiful eyes can be fooled...
By the rotten blindness...

I just hope... somehow... i can clear your sight and pull you out...
I'll try with all the strenght left in me...
And if you cannot emerge from this rotten trash that corrupts you now...
Then we will fall together... and i'll die...
For i cannot live dwelling in the disgust...
For i cannot stand watching you perish...

But even if i die... and if you're blind so you cannot see me...
Still... i hope you can hear me... as my last words will be yours...

Deja Vu... Outra vez...

Acho engraçado como sempre me acusam de coisas...
Mas nunca me dizem do que me estão a acusar...
Pegam em meia duzia de merdices que vêm não sei lá bem onde...
E completamente fora de contexto fazem as suas conclusões...

E apontam me o dedo... sem me dizerem o porque...
Sem poder sequer me defender porque nao entendo em primeiro lugar porque me atacam...

Procuram desculpas para os seus erros inventando erros meus...
E vêm me com as suas idiossincrasias sem actos que as suportem...

É fantastico... Mesmo quando faço tudo para tudo fazer bem...
Parece que tudo faço mal mesmo quando nada faço...
As vezes que já vi isto acontecer chega a ser absurdo...
Por mais merda que alguem faça... Ha-de sempre... pegar em meia duzia de coisinhas que viu um dia num qualquer sitio fora de contexto... inventar todo um mundo a volta disso mesmo que nada tenha a ver... E fazer o que é mais facil...
Acovardar-se... e apontar o dedo...

É por isso que já desisti de entender os de Lilin...
É por isso que por mais contente que me deite numa noite... sei que não vale a pena esperar muito do dia que ai vem...

Chamam-me mentiroso aqueles que passam a vida a mentir no cumulo da hipocrisia apontam-me o dedo enquanto praticam fielmente a traição...
Depois outros que me ameaçam dizendo que não tenho o direito de fazer aquilo que esses mesmos outros não pensaram duas vezes antes de me fazer a mim...

Chamam-me mentiroso aqueles que quebraram todas as promessas que haviam feito e que mesmo assim ainda de alguma forma eu acredito... e apontam-me o dedo enquanto mentem e traiem impunemente atirando uma vez mais as culpas para cima daquele que é mais facil culpar...

Porque talvez se arrependam do que fazem... mas a nada foram obrigados...
E depois quando a noite cai e descansam na cama talvez... e sim digo talvez porque ja parei de tentar entender e certezas essas nunca mais terei... talvez o arrependimento venha...
E como a covardia e grande de mais para enfrentar a realidade...
Vamos entao culpar quem podemos culpar... e para tal... vamos procurar algo... por mais substancial que seja... algo que possamos adaptar ao contexto que precisamos para culpar esse alguem... algo que nao importa de quando ou como existiu... algo que possamos distorcer e moldar para fazer a realidade para os covardes mais facil...
Algo que para os traidores forneça uma porta de escape...
Para que aos olhos dos outros... sejam imaculados...
Não importando... o que destroem pelo caminho...
Odio de Lilin...

Here we go again...

Here we go again... all the way from the start...
It doesnt matter if time passes by... its not like it heals everything after all...
I try to hang on but eventualy my strenght fades again...
And i fall down to the deep darkness within once more...

Can't blame anyone but me...
For everyone says the same... "You should not live your life hanging to someone..."
But how can i... if everything i ever wanted was already scripted...
Was already planed... and it turn out to be just an ilusion...

Somehow i thought, fool of me, that i would be able somehow to keep smiling...
Faking... Lieing to everyone... But there are times when even to do such simple things my strenghts are not enough...
I hide behind games, hobbies and buzz... nothing is never enough to heal me...
There was a time when the night was the hardest part of the never ending day...
When i lay alone in the bed... but even I grew used to it...
So now... the mornings are the hardest to deal with...
I'm already used to be alone...
What i will never be used to... its to wake up from my foolish dreams...
God knows (if there is one...) that i've tried everything i could...
Still its never enough to heal me...

I still write hoping that somehow the pain goes away within everyword...
Hoping somehow the words would reach the one i thought that understood...
The more i grow... the more foolish i seem...
So helpless that even I think of myself that way...

What else can I do... what else can i try...?
Where else can i hold to?

If somehow there was a slightest light to guide me...
I've grown too blind to see any hope...
I've grown too week to fight for anything...
And worse... i've grown too dumb to accept the way the things are...
Because they are like that and nothing i'll ever do will make a diference...

Everybody judges me... Everybody points their fingers at me...
And in the end i am always the one to blame...
I might have all the reason on my side... Still... _I'm always the one to take the fall...
Can't stand it...
And i've grown too much of a coward to be able to end it all...

So me and my closest "friends"...
Loneliness, sorrow, hate and fear...
We keep on this journey...
Even when it seems its over...
Here we go again...

Doesn't matter how I try...

It doesn't matter how I try...
What i do to fill my mind with something...
To be distracted...
There is always a time like this...
That i can't even do anything anymore...
You haunt me... You embrace me...
You'll always come back no matter what...
Loneliness...

You've got to be a fool...

You've got to be a fool if you think for a second that i've forgotten you
You've got to be a fool if you think i've moved on...
You've got to be a fool if you think that i dont mind about you
You've got to be a fool if you think you're not always in my mind as before...

I can remember everything from you...
From the sound of your voice to the sweetness of your laughter...

You may think you know what i've been through...
But you don't know how it hurts every second you're away...
If you've even dreamed how painful is to look at the door from once i used to enter everyday...
That door is closed... And its like i can't pass through it anymore...
And if for a moment... you think i didn't want to...

Girl... You've got to be a fool...

There is no day i will not wonder... If your mind and heart still calls my name...
Even if my logic brain tells me i should not...
Even if no one else seems to understand...
I dont care...
Because the happiest days of my life were...
When we used to be the fools...
The fools that only seem idiots to the "non idiots"...

If you think i've made plans without you...
If you think i'm with someone...
If you think for a second that i dont care anymore...
If you think that i would not accept you the second you would come...

Girl... You've got to be a fool...

The end justifies the means... or so they say...

The end justifies the means... or so they say...
As long as the end is achieved it doesnt really matter how it was achieved...
Isn't that right?

Through all this years i've seen the biggest atrocities being done under that sentence...
And latter did i came to realise... that sentence... couldn't be further away from the truth...

Its not like if you achieve the end everything else doesnt matter...
Actually... i came to find out... that there are times...
That the ending is achieved... but since it was from another way that not as planed...
Even if the ending is achieved... then you will not know what to do next...

And this seems to happen more often...
When the Lilins try to rule eachothers lifes as if they were Gods...

And that is why... they act with false good intentions... just so they feel important and powerfull...
That is why this hatred of lilin grows inside me...
Because somehow, someday, someone though he was a God who could control the life of others under the idea that was just doing it for justice...
Justice...
This so called justice... It was not more than personal fullfilment...
It was nothing more than revenge... betrayal...

So let me tell you all now Lilins... To call justice as the end to justify trying to destroy lifes as a mean...
You have nor the right or the power to do so...

Fucking Morons... You never stood a chance...

Once again...

Once again people showed me that they respect nothing or no one...
They do whatever they want without any hesitation jeopardizing everything
And in the end i am allways the one that takes the fall...
I am allways the one to blame...
Fuck it... im sick of it... people are shit...

I will never understand those o Lilin...

Beats me..
Those of Lilin... the more i learn... the more it makes no sense.
I swear i wish i could understand them... but i cannot...

Sometimes... things feel like they are right on the mark... still if feels like nothing was achieved...
And as time passes by and lies were thrown at me... i got really good on detecting deception...
That is why...
The more i know... the less i understand...
Let me explain...

I cant understand... what is the gain? Why lie? Why do something you dont want to?
Why hurt the others while being untruthfull...?

I will never understand those of lilin... or their so called feelings...
Because the way i feel... friendship, love, loyalty... its way too diferent from theirs...
Maybe i am the one that is wrong!

Lie to me...

I cant stand even one more lie...
Im sick of it... and i cant just ignore it as i did until this day...

People come to me... ask me for help... yet... they are the first one to lie to me...
People ask me to be truthful... yet they can't be honest not even half the time...

Somehow i though... leave it be... they're just white lies... or as some call
Political correct lies... they won't make a diference anyway right?
But when you've been lied to so many times... even those little white lies become sharped knifes... And i've came to a point that i can't stand it anymore...
I can't just let them pass by my thinking they've got away with it...
It hurts so much... and people keep on lieing and lieing and lieing... so naturally...
Its like if its trapped within their genetics...
Still...
Why do people lie?
The aswer is simple...
Because reality is cold and the truth... it sucks...
If i accept reallity... if i accept the truth... then i know i will never be able to be happy again...
So please...
Lie to me once more...

What does one do?

What does one do when he has lost everything...

When he can no longer tell whats real or not...

What does one do when he has lost everything...

Has fallen hard to the bottom of the pit...

And when he is trying to get up...

He is faced with choices, and things that he cannot tell if they're real...

What if those things are just what his heart wants to believe...

If he sees only what his eyes want to see...

What if he really embraces that reallity in hope of being happy somehow, someday...

And that reallity turns out to be an ilusion...

What if reallity is an ilusion...

What does one who have lost everything do... if the only way out...

If everything he wants to believe... its just another prank from destiny...

Would he stand to lose everything again?

Will he really lose anything? Did he even had anything?

What does one do?

I do not want to discover that aswer...

Day by day

Everything is crumbling day by day...
It really seems nothing makes any sense...
You're gone and i feel you so far away
I feel like a dog traped within a fence...

How long can one endure the pain and sorrow
To be alone and lost in this loneliness
How long until it opens my door for tomorow
How long to be lost in the darkness?

Im lost... and If you ask me who am I...
I dont know the aswer anymore
It feels like if every single time i cry
Deep inside I die a little more...

They say one's eyes reflect his own soul
And my eyes used to show my flaming heart
But now their lost their bright to a shadow ghoul
And they now show my soul breaking apart

Bad Timming...

Its not that i can't apreciate a good laught...
Sure it was fun... i ended up laughing...
But the scars this little prank are going to leave...
Hardly worth the time i laughed...

So yes... It was fun somehow and I laught about it...
And i never backdown from a challenge specially when i'm suspicious...
But even though I laught and it was the right play...
It was also the worst possible time in my life to do do it...

Ordeal of Love...

So my final battle as finally began
For I have chosen my ultimate path
For my legs, oh they won't run
Now i'll face it with my last breath

Loneliness fills my heart at night
As your sweet voice i hear no more
This desctructive distance is the fight
That with my might i must endure

We will eventually smile again i guess
It doesnt matter how much the time flies
Even if my soul and heart become a mess
This feeling is one of thoses that never dies

If only I could fly to you, I love you i would shout
And if i can hear you say that you love me back
I know that i would be without a trace of doubt
The happiest person on the face of the earth

You left in my heart not a scar, but a mark
And i hope that one day we will rise above...
Above all of the things that pushed us apart
For us i shall face the Ordeal of Love!

Time flies...

The time flies and the contempt i feel for mankind grows bigger by the second...
I look back thinking how life can be cruel...

Somehow nothing seems to make any sense now...
And for moments it all seems so far a blur...

Those times... i miss those times...

A day has 24 hours... way too much time for someone who is alone...
Those who run from their feelings allways end up alone without even notice or understand why...

Thats what happened...

No every hour feels like a week with me trying to fill it somehow with things that doesn't seem to fit at all...

And as the biggest fool there is... even now that you are so far away... i still dream...
I still day for the day of your return...

Even though i may be distant and act like if i dont remember you or care at all...
Even after all this time and everything that i was trough...

I do still care...
I dont ask you to understand nor try to do so...
But i'll tell you... The mark you've left in my heart was so strong...
But it was not a scar... even though it hurts sometimes...

It hurts almost all the time... but its not a scar...
Just a mark... the mark that allows me to know that you were real
The mark that overtook my will...
The mark that locked my heart... and i may lie to anyone it doesn't matter...

Be sure of this...
It doesn't matter how the time flies... On the day of your return i know that you will see...
I've may done so many things, told so many lies... but you will always be the true holder of the key.

Every day i wonder...

Do you know i am still waiting...
Do you even think about us and coming back anymore?
Every day i wonder...

Nothing else to lose...

I hope i wont wake up tomorrow...
For this was the day i lost everthing
My heart faded to pain and sorrow
By your knife that let me bleeding

You took me everything in this final bout...
And God... how it hurts so damn much
Even the tears dont dare coming out
For the destruction in my heart is such...

I don't know how to differ lies form truth anymore
And it doesn't matter since i was just a pawn
So life took it all... not for now but forevermore
As i die alone in the floor without anyone

You ask me for forgiveness... what do i have to forgive
You took everything from me... my love, my family
Even after i've given you everything i had to give
So now without any hope in me... i shall meet my final destiny

Within my hand i had the power to destroy everything for you
Like you did with me without even thinking twice or look back
I could at ease take everything you believe and think its true
And stand watching you crumble as your world fade to black

I could expose to him all the lies...
Por fool living blindly in ignorance...
No need because you'll broke the ties
Once also he loses his importance...

But i wont do it... even driven by pain...
Maybe i'll just drown in a bottle of booze...
You may ask... Why? What will you gain...?
And then i aswer... What do i have to lose?

Am i really that wrong...

On a rainy night i though with my heart
Too high of love and magic and you...
Only to see myself break and falling apart
Knowing my dream will never come true...

And so days, weeks, months and years
Will keep on pass by me at high speed
As my heart gets beated down with all my fears
As this world planted on us a demon seed...

And i believed, smiled and reborn again
Thinking that true love conquers all
And in my heart nothing else but pain
Without anyone to catch me when i fall

So the only thing left is a question i ask
Was i mistaken about a feeling this strong
Is it to be happy such an impossible task...
Answer me... Am i really that wrong?

The last true idiot...

That's me...
The last true idiot...

Lieing to those who've threaten me just in order to keep your image...
Lieing to everyone for your own sake...
Just because i love you...

Swallowed my pride, my honor and my self-estime...
Why?
Just so you get mad at me like i'm doing everything wrong...
And then...
At the end of the night...

You cry for me...
When you are in these arms you say you love me...
Not just with words...
But with your eyes...

Still you say you can't stay right now...
How can you not?
I don t get it... and its killing me...

You say you'll comeback in a few months...
How can you say that... how can i believe when you said you would've come back that week...

It was a raining day...
I still remember it like if it was yesterday...
March 11th... The day i though too high of love...
I exit my job to find you as you promised...
I runned and seeked for you everywhere...
In the end... i've just waited...
You came in and smiled at me...

But everything was diferent...
You say you love me... it was true...
So I cant understand...

Why do you take a path that even you say its going to be worthless...
Why do you walk a path that you know it will end soon...
And it will only hurt us more...
Me... You... And our family...

Am I really the last idiot...
'Cause i've allways knew when you were lieing...
I know when you have no hesitation in your words...
And you know that i know...
So...

If you don't hesitate in saying...
I love you... I want to marry you... I want a family with you... I will come back... I am sorry...
Why do you hesitate in make it happen...

This is far greater that this world... this story of "us"...
Outsiders think they can understand... but they know nothing...
And once again here i am... Having to fight for what is mine... while others take it away with almost no effort at all...

By the time this story ends... i will be a Legend...
A legend of love...
Now... will it be because you've stayed after i've waited and fought so hard for us so that we became happiness itself...
Or will it be because in my last breath... i will just say... "i forgive you... i'm still loving you..."

I've endured so many lies from you... so many humiliations... scars and pain...
I've endured so much that i've even lost the sight of your true self for a brief moment...
But this feeling... it pushed me right up...

So this is me... with everything crumbling... with almost no strenght left in me...
With everything that surrounds me falling apart...
This feeling is the only thing keeping me moving...
This feeling is the only thing worth waiting or fighting...
Im am still here... The Last True Idiot...
That still believes that love conquers all...
The Last True Idiot...
Who will wait for his "One"
The Last True Idiot...
That in the end... will do anything he can... to make you as happy as you'll ever be...

And if you don't come back... as you say everyday you will to me...
I will die fighting... for i cannot aford to live without thee

...

O dia virá em que tudo fará sentido...
O dia virá em que tu abrirás novamente os olhos para veres a luz que te guia...
O dia virá em que te darei a mao e brilharás de novo...
O dira virá em que me olharás nos olhos e dirás:

"Amor, voltei..."

A hora que não chega...

O tempo não quer passar
E eu fico aqui no desespero
Na esperança de ter ver chegar
Para ao meu coração dar sossego

Sabes que de ti necessito
Mais do que do ar para respirar
Para que este conflito
Em meu coração possa cessar

Tu es a minha princesa deusa
A unica do meu coração
Que me enfeitiça com a sua beleza
Que é a minha doce tentação

Mas será coisa assim tão anormal
A perdição em quem mais se ama
Se com uma força tremenda, brutal
Cada pedaço de mim teu nome chama

Saudade do teu abraço e do teu beijo
Saudade de te dizer o que para mim és
Saudade de te dizer o quanto te desejo
Saudades de me ajoelhar a teus pés

E agora o relogio parado me tortura
Enquanto esta dor me consome, me cega
Choro um pouco mais lembrando com ternura
Choro aguardando a hora que não chega...

I know we could...

There were times that we punished each other
And times were pain was what we gave birth
But there were times when you were my lover
And i was the happiest man on the heart...

I know we hurted both of us so much
But there is also one other thing i'm aware
The love and magic we feel is such
That you'll never find it again anywhere...

Our foolish mistakes we should bury
And our deep scars we should heal
Because there is no room for more fury
In this unstopable love that we both feel

And i thing of us both starting again
From the very begining that we should
With only love we will abandon all the pain
Come on my Princess i know we could...

Pensamento...

A vida chega a ser cruel com o modo como guia os nossos destinos...
Por vezes uma decisao certa num momento errado pode-se tornar numa facada permanente no nosso coração...

O tempo passa e olhamos no passado e observamos as encruzilhadas da vida vendo o que poderia ter sido tanto para nos como para os que nos rodeiam se tivessemos seguido outro caminho na encruzilhada.

E se... E se...
Quantas vezes nos questionamos sobre isso...

Odio, Furia e frustração já guiaram a minha vida e consumiram grande parte do meu ser durante grande parte do meu tempo...

Mas de nada valeu... tudo continuou na mesma e os mesmo erros sao repetidos infindavelmente num ciclo sem fim com a maior das naturalidades...
Mas eu já nao sou capaz de Odiar... sentir furia... a frustração essa será eterna...
No entanto... No final do dia... em vez de gritar... face às adversidades... e lutar... consigo apenas refugiar me no meu canto... no escuro... e chorar.

New Years Ressolution...

Dilemas, quest's and resolutions...
Tears and pain, sorrow and shades...
I've writen about everything this year...

I've given everything and in return i got nothing...

There was no equivalent exchange...
There was no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow...

The people around me have shown me how rotten this world is...
People... are shit...

This year... I've cried all the tears i had left...
This year... I've lost all the hope i had remaining...
This year... Everything was lost with no gain...

So this year this is my resolution...

No more trust to anyone... ... No more tears...
I've given everything i had... Ain't given anything anymore...
Even if i have to fake my smile all the time...
Thats what i have to give...
A fake smile to a fake world...

This world has no mercy for my heart...
Stab after stab i had to endure...

So i will once again dress up my iron armor...
And become the invencible knight i once were...

If i dont trust anymore... There wont be any more scars in my back...