Lies and Lies...

Im sick of people...
Those humans that are mado of nothing but lies...
There are lies and lies all over the place...

What is it with the people... why is it a lie such a reliable thing...?
And i can't stant it anymore... even after death... the lies are what hurt the most...

I was smiling...

The day that my world stood still...
I was smiling...
In my heart despite all the pain and hatred i had hope...
Somehow... i was smiling...

Somehow i thought about it in a diferent way and i was decided to put my heart and soul to a final test...
But i wasn't expecting what was yet to come...

Naive... I was smiling...
So the day passed by with one thing one my mind... The thing i wanted the most...
I would've fighted for it with all my might...

Therefor... I was smiling...
Once again... I was smiling... And on the place where once seemed to be an endless hole...
My heart started to warm up once again... Somehow the pain and sorrow faded and my lips where able to smile once again...

Naive... I was smiling...
Until the shocking truth came like thunder piercing the last piece of armor my soul and heart had remain...

The world stoped for a while... Somehow what did all the sense before... it vanished...
The joy and hope i had... turned into disgust and hatred...

I felt ashamed of myself for being so naive... i really was smiling...

And now that nothing is left for me...
There is only one thing that comes to my mind when i cry...
I was so young and i was smiling... I was only 24 when i died...

Equivalent Exchange...

The first law of Equivalent Exchange:

In order to obtain something... one must lose something of equal value...

When i think about this... i dont see a stronger truth that this law...
Everything we gain... comes with a price...
We want something material... we work to gain money and so we trade time of our life and that same money for something of equal value...
If we want to be good at something... we must lose some time practicing that same thing...

This was so close of becoming my only truth...
But... when i think about it... can it really be...
If Equivalent Exchange really is the most unshakeble truth in this world...
How much more must i give... how much more must i lose... in order to obtain the thing i want the most?
I've given now about everything... and still... it seems to be not enough...
It is never enough...

Am i really that weak? Im i really that powerless that everything i have to give is not enough to be the equivalent of what i wish the most...

Is my life really that cheap?
Because i've allready gave it up... and still is not enough...

10 years...

It has been almost 10 years now...
Somehow i could keep it under my command... under my control...

But as I grow im becoming more and more selfish...
And so that feeling... its about to run free... its about to go wild...

Help me...

A ultima escolha...

Quando a covardia toma conta...
As palavras bloqueiam...
Nada sai... apenas o suspiro sustentado pela lágrima à noite...
Apenas o laminar da faca no coração...
E o sangue corre...

Quando a covardia toma conta...
Os actos não saiem...
A naturalidade desaparece... e o medo reina...
Apenas os movimentos frios de um robot sem sentido...
E o sangue corre...

Quando o medo toma conta...
Aquele que nada teme torna-se vazio...
Sem saber como enfrentar esse sentimento novo...
Descobre apenas... a cada dia que passa...
Mil correntes de aço a prenderem os seus membros e bloquearem suas palavras...
E na hora da verdade...

Foge... Foge apenas sob falsos pretextos de recomeço...
Pois quando a covardia toma conta...
Aquele que nada teme... corre como um cao amedrontado...
Foge...
Quando o medo toma conta...
Aquele que sonha segue o caminho dos covardes...
Foge...
E toma a sua ultima escolha...