Here we go again...

Here we go again... all the way from the start...
It doesnt matter if time passes by... its not like it heals everything after all...
I try to hang on but eventualy my strenght fades again...
And i fall down to the deep darkness within once more...

Can't blame anyone but me...
For everyone says the same... "You should not live your life hanging to someone..."
But how can i... if everything i ever wanted was already scripted...
Was already planed... and it turn out to be just an ilusion...

Somehow i thought, fool of me, that i would be able somehow to keep smiling...
Faking... Lieing to everyone... But there are times when even to do such simple things my strenghts are not enough...
I hide behind games, hobbies and buzz... nothing is never enough to heal me...
There was a time when the night was the hardest part of the never ending day...
When i lay alone in the bed... but even I grew used to it...
So now... the mornings are the hardest to deal with...
I'm already used to be alone...
What i will never be used to... its to wake up from my foolish dreams...
God knows (if there is one...) that i've tried everything i could...
Still its never enough to heal me...

I still write hoping that somehow the pain goes away within everyword...
Hoping somehow the words would reach the one i thought that understood...
The more i grow... the more foolish i seem...
So helpless that even I think of myself that way...

What else can I do... what else can i try...?
Where else can i hold to?

If somehow there was a slightest light to guide me...
I've grown too blind to see any hope...
I've grown too week to fight for anything...
And worse... i've grown too dumb to accept the way the things are...
Because they are like that and nothing i'll ever do will make a diference...

Everybody judges me... Everybody points their fingers at me...
And in the end i am always the one to blame...
I might have all the reason on my side... Still... _I'm always the one to take the fall...
Can't stand it...
And i've grown too much of a coward to be able to end it all...

So me and my closest "friends"...
Loneliness, sorrow, hate and fear...
We keep on this journey...
Even when it seems its over...
Here we go again...

Doesn't matter how I try...

It doesn't matter how I try...
What i do to fill my mind with something...
To be distracted...
There is always a time like this...
That i can't even do anything anymore...
You haunt me... You embrace me...
You'll always come back no matter what...
Loneliness...

You've got to be a fool...

You've got to be a fool if you think for a second that i've forgotten you
You've got to be a fool if you think i've moved on...
You've got to be a fool if you think that i dont mind about you
You've got to be a fool if you think you're not always in my mind as before...

I can remember everything from you...
From the sound of your voice to the sweetness of your laughter...

You may think you know what i've been through...
But you don't know how it hurts every second you're away...
If you've even dreamed how painful is to look at the door from once i used to enter everyday...
That door is closed... And its like i can't pass through it anymore...
And if for a moment... you think i didn't want to...

Girl... You've got to be a fool...

There is no day i will not wonder... If your mind and heart still calls my name...
Even if my logic brain tells me i should not...
Even if no one else seems to understand...
I dont care...
Because the happiest days of my life were...
When we used to be the fools...
The fools that only seem idiots to the "non idiots"...

If you think i've made plans without you...
If you think i'm with someone...
If you think for a second that i dont care anymore...
If you think that i would not accept you the second you would come...

Girl... You've got to be a fool...

The end justifies the means... or so they say...

The end justifies the means... or so they say...
As long as the end is achieved it doesnt really matter how it was achieved...
Isn't that right?

Through all this years i've seen the biggest atrocities being done under that sentence...
And latter did i came to realise... that sentence... couldn't be further away from the truth...

Its not like if you achieve the end everything else doesnt matter...
Actually... i came to find out... that there are times...
That the ending is achieved... but since it was from another way that not as planed...
Even if the ending is achieved... then you will not know what to do next...

And this seems to happen more often...
When the Lilins try to rule eachothers lifes as if they were Gods...

And that is why... they act with false good intentions... just so they feel important and powerfull...
That is why this hatred of lilin grows inside me...
Because somehow, someday, someone though he was a God who could control the life of others under the idea that was just doing it for justice...
Justice...
This so called justice... It was not more than personal fullfilment...
It was nothing more than revenge... betrayal...

So let me tell you all now Lilins... To call justice as the end to justify trying to destroy lifes as a mean...
You have nor the right or the power to do so...

Fucking Morons... You never stood a chance...

Once again...

Once again people showed me that they respect nothing or no one...
They do whatever they want without any hesitation jeopardizing everything
And in the end i am allways the one that takes the fall...
I am allways the one to blame...
Fuck it... im sick of it... people are shit...

I will never understand those o Lilin...

Beats me..
Those of Lilin... the more i learn... the more it makes no sense.
I swear i wish i could understand them... but i cannot...

Sometimes... things feel like they are right on the mark... still if feels like nothing was achieved...
And as time passes by and lies were thrown at me... i got really good on detecting deception...
That is why...
The more i know... the less i understand...
Let me explain...

I cant understand... what is the gain? Why lie? Why do something you dont want to?
Why hurt the others while being untruthfull...?

I will never understand those of lilin... or their so called feelings...
Because the way i feel... friendship, love, loyalty... its way too diferent from theirs...
Maybe i am the one that is wrong!

Lie to me...

I cant stand even one more lie...
Im sick of it... and i cant just ignore it as i did until this day...

People come to me... ask me for help... yet... they are the first one to lie to me...
People ask me to be truthful... yet they can't be honest not even half the time...

Somehow i though... leave it be... they're just white lies... or as some call
Political correct lies... they won't make a diference anyway right?
But when you've been lied to so many times... even those little white lies become sharped knifes... And i've came to a point that i can't stand it anymore...
I can't just let them pass by my thinking they've got away with it...
It hurts so much... and people keep on lieing and lieing and lieing... so naturally...
Its like if its trapped within their genetics...
Still...
Why do people lie?
The aswer is simple...
Because reality is cold and the truth... it sucks...
If i accept reallity... if i accept the truth... then i know i will never be able to be happy again...
So please...
Lie to me once more...